Relationship Guide

Ebb & Flow

All relationships experience ebbs and flows. Hurdles and warheads. Individuals who come together later in life have experienced a myriad of triumphs and failures. Pains and joys. Bondings and breakage. Healings and things unhealed.

Coming together

So, separately, broken, coming together; there are places that are separate, delicate broken glass.

There are places of immense joy for all the love that they have that they want to give to another.

Staying together

Fear factor

We have to separate fear from joy. When we remove the fear factor, we can get to the harmony, flow and ebb of life. Fear factors are not bad. They need to be recognized and acknowledged to steer our choices and our path.

Don’t be afraid. Be brave.

A new or fledgling relationship could resemble a stained glass window patchworked together by shards of shattered truths and dashed hopes. seared together by promises of future hopes and dreams.

Criticism

People are harder on themselves, than the other person could possibly be. Criticism is mostly constructive. And for most, it comes from a place of love or caring or joking or lightening a mood if not addressing a serious issue. To offer or receive criticism, usually comes from a trusted friend or family member. The constructive kind. A colleague or superior is looking for adaptability, (that we can work together/live together through “this” scenario/situation/ordeal).

When criticism comes from a total stranger, is where gears shift a bit. We’re thinking “where do they get off?”

This is where this advice comes in handy. . . THERE IS NOTHING ANYONE CAN SAY THAT ISN’T WORSE THAN WHAT YOU TELL YOURSLEF. Self-talk and inner dialogue is usually tougher than what anybody else could try to say to you or at you. When a confrontation or tiff is over, review and consider, you could probably not have said it better yourself. Right? And consider they may have a point. And consider that the way they said is a lot nicer than the way you would have told it to yourself. And probably do have a broken record in your head at night or when you get up in the morning, about your big nose, your big feet, your big hair, or your stinky sweat.

People are not so receptive to criticisms these days. This generation is super sensitive and obey political correctness. As a result, you have young teens and young adults who don’t hear from others that their clothes don’t match, or their BO is awful after PE class ~which has been eliminated from schools to avoid the embarrassing scenarios in the locker rooms ~ big feet, big asses, big and little other things. As a result, we only have our inner dialogue torturing us in the privacy of our homes.

When you hear it from others you feel seen (and heard). Confrontation is healthy. Defending yourself, your cause, your project is healthy. Standing up for yourself, or letting closer friends who already know how you feel about your big nose, defend you. Observation of those who take your side in the office setting can be rewarding and beneficial. Growth amongst your peers and colleagues can occur when you can tease each other, pick on each other and exchange jabs for drinks after work. It makes the constructive criticisms in the boardroom less painful and more easily accepted.

Young children accustomed to criticisms from parents, friends and teachers, tend to allow judgement and criticism to roll off their back more easily and more healthily as they grow older. Oh, You’ve heard that one about your big nose so many times, at 30 years old, it’s like whatever! Haven’t heard that one before! But to this generation in which no one has told Karen she has a big nose, the first person to do it is going to get a punch in the face, or she’s going to go home and consider a nose job. A sensitive girl from this day and age may consider more ghastly and fatal ending to her day. So diamonds out of coals , people. You gotta take a few punches so you can throw a few back. This is survival. This generation and survival tactics are strangers.

It’s easier to adjust to criticisms from family and friends as we’re coming up. As mature adults, you’ve heard it all . All out of fun and jest or to form and direct your life and habits. Different cultures can share stories on how their parents talk to each other and to their kids. Discussing these family altercations and family dynamics can lighten the mood and shed a light on how certain individuals may take criticism. So perhaps interviewing (lighty) people’s upbringing. You’ll know if you’re dealing with a snob form the suburbs or a 4th generation Italian from the Bronx. Sicilian grandparents may have raised the CEO, when he was a boy…. and that’s the energy you’re dealing with! He’s not a stranger to criticism and may throw it around the office like fairy dust! You can see that you can’t take that personally if that is just how he rolls. A single mom, who went to Harvard, might be your manager. It’s better to know about her parents, and how she was raised than the fact that she is a genius. Her dad may have been the every sweetest, nicest boss in the world. He may have been the very popular local car dealership owner. Or he may have been VERY strict. Finding this out could help you get along, offer ideas and get a feel for how often you can call in sick/late. Let her criticize your work ethics a few times, and don’t’ take it personally. Knowing her better, and seeing from an observational point of view what her flaws might be, and how she may be hard on herself in her own inner world and dialogue, takes the edge off what she has to say about you. What she says about you or to you is not as bad as what you tell yourself. So again, consider she’s right. You are late too often, or maybe you do need some deodorant.

aspects

Wolves act as wolves do. Giraffes as giraffes, swans and swans.  A swan can’t pretend to be a fox….as much as a fox cannot pretend to be a bear.  As humans, we can mimic and imitate just about any life form.  As matter of fact there is nothing in nature that does not reflect human nature, abilities and tendencies.

As humans, we have the power to adopt any aspect of any animal behavior we feel would be beneficial or assist in serving any given situation.  A mouse or a lion in the workplace depending on your survivability.

Some are mice in the workplace because they want to stay.  If you are not a lion in your supervisory position, you are going to get eaten alive when the pack mentality takes a turn from mice to wolves… Blood in the water and the sharks appear.

When you can adopt a certain animal behavior and even intentionally attempt to adopt an animal totem hero for a day, life can have a whole new gleam.  Use your daily banal routines to try on different animal hats.

Same workday as a lion, as opposed to an ostrich, as opposed to a hawk, as opposed to being eagle in flight tomorrow !  Animal totem mentality can invigorate your boring workweek.  Begin seeing the different animal behavior in your daily life in those around you.  Mice, snakes, clever foxes and huntress hawks.  Really makes life a little more invigorating to notice people as wearing animal costumes.  Brings lion king to real life playing out like a play before your very eyes .

Shake things up a bit and explore animal totems.  It could invigorate your DREAM LIFE AS WELL.

 

 

 

 

 

Anarchy

What if we all thought the same.  What would that same be?  What if everyone thought about that zombie-life.  Or do we follow the thought pattern of totalitarian religious ideas?

That being said, it’s safe to say, we are not all thinking the same thing all the time.  While sitting in traffic, the lady in front of you may be thinking about her recently deceased mother, while the person in front of her is streaming music/movie/porn on their iPhone .

Those who meditate on fantasma or video games, relish in that make-believe; making real life look pretty boring. Those who meditate on higher things have a higher purpose.  If only to discipline one’s mind, or attempt purity of thought.  #bhagavad #gita #holyones.

Knowing that not everyone is thinking the same thoughts all the time, helps us be more compassionate towards each other.  Because we don’t know what others are thinking. Be free to think. Being mindful of your thoughts. #mindfulness.  Remembering that others have their own. (way of thinking).

But wouldn’t it be great if everyone thought like you? 

http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/anarchy

This may not apply to the corporate structure.  In the business world, being unified in thought and process is essential. We tend to share and agree on thoughts and ideas regarding business dealings. But in the workplace, on a daily meditative basis, others are not always on the same page as you.  You are googling different things…(your individual life’s necessities) and not always clapping in response to today’s lecture. IOW, people go back to thinking their own thoughts after “the lecture”.

Remember when…

We all have experience times of change and growth.  It is really easy to recognize in others.  I/e. “Oh, I remember when I liked horses”, and you had all the gear, cozy pants and a new bridle.  Or “I remember when I hung out at Starbucks, sitting there on the comfy couch feeling all nostalgic, retro, and romantic”, and “I remember when my kids were that age”, and you think back to how you are not that person anymore.

It may be easier to recognize our stages of growth in others, because we have a difficult time looking at ourselves.  It’s natural to not turn the periscope on ourselves.  Ooo!  Ouch!  But in others, we say, “I remember when that was important to me”.

• going to church
• going to work on time
• speeding through traffic
  • cuz you’re  young
  • cuz you’re late
• new baby stage
• THe dating era

And when we see others there, in that place, we get to quietly reminisce, hate, judge, razberry their moment, or revel in the joy of the memory.

Everyone experiences different stages of growth and yet we tend to insist, we haven’t changed at all.  Are we the same person we were at 18, 28 or 32?   Some admit to changing and are glad for it!

“Thank God I’m not that hectic, rebellious immature young adult anymore!”  “Thank God there is not a baby in the house waking me at all hours of the night anymore” and “Thank God I found this person, so I am not sitting on this park bench alone in my maturing, grateful- to- be- alive years.”  Finally, for the old folks and retirees, “Thank God, the children are all ok and don’t need me anymore”.  “I remember when we were busy and couldn’t  share the holidays with my folks!”  So the old folks respect admire and allow us 30 and 40 something room to grow and get those kids off to school.  But just remember, they remember those times too.  Not only might they have advice or words of wisdom, we can all share in the silent surrender of being glad we are not in that person’s place in life anymore, or yet, but still be compassionate towards those that are in “that place”, knowing you survived it, and just take a moment to pity their plight.

Learning compassion is just taking a step back AND PUTTING your self in other people’s shoes.  You don’t have to do it all the time or be constantly sympathetic to other’s bad behavior, aggression, and evilness… But do consider their place in life on their journey and considering they may be struggling with some change or transition.  Silently observe, to feel kindness and compassion in your own heart, even if you can’t relay it or lend a helping hand.

But for those that are open to suggestion, offer up those words of encouragement… that “it will be over soon, and your gonna miss this.  You’ll look back and remember these were the days. ” And somehow be glad you’ re no longer there and in it.  Observing others when you miss those times; kids in the park, nursery at church, attending a wedding; brings back those moments from your life into your current memories and feelings without having to truly experience it again.

 

For all those 40 something new moms:  You see now that maybe you should have just volunteered at the church nursery or spent a few years in a day care center to get over the hump of missing that stage, when your older kids were young.  But we all know, observing you, that there is magic and joy in the happiness of childhood nothing can replace.

We are all just glad someone else is doing it, and we’re not in that place anymore.

Thanks to all of you offering us “observers”, moments to reminisce and be glad for our current plight in life, or by giving us something to look forward to.  I/e.  You old folks sitting on a park bench!  You know who you lovers are!

 

grander you

Every opportunity is a new opportunity to be the bigger, better you.  The more practice and experience you gain in making the most of every moment, every interaction, every confrontation, the more comfortable you’ll be in your new skin.  The more obvious petty moments sound. The more obvious petty people are. The more obvious that everything is a petty ccomplaint.

When you recognize the connectivity of it all, the more petty our daily bumbles seem.

The grander life is.

The grander our purpose is.

Pipe Dreams

Obviously, there is a huge difference between “pipe dreams” and realizing or manifesting soul purpose.  When you feel it, know it, and are living it, there is no turning back; no being wrong about it.

Follow a pipe dream first, as practice. (if you have the time).   Learn the curves, hurdles and ins-and-outs of making something happen out of nothing.  See how hard it is.  Experience that resistance, the negative feedback and lack of time allowable.  That’s how you know it’s not life purpose.  By not coming naturally, authentically, with assistance, support, positive feedback and an incredible amount of support that just seemingly appears out of thin air.   People come out of the woodwork. People you begin to meet that are connections in the field of interest. The difference is to be felt and experienced, so you know you are doing the right thing. The thing that feels right.  More than filling a void of boredom or escapism, it explodes out from inside of you.

Letting your inner child come out and play with the fire trucks, hammers, tools; your true purpose may reveal itself.  Following an old pipe dream or picking up a special or new hobby, allows time to concentrate and look inward, while hiding behind the work.  Whether it be exercise, an experiment in the basement, a project on line.  Searching for purpose requires quiet time alone.  In these moments of catering to your soul and listening to spirit, you can have the conversation, with self, about what your dreams are trying to tell you.

Quiet time; or concrete, dedicated time; on a “hobby” lets us hear about the action to take, while alert and awake, uninterrupted by the noise of the world.  Wake up from the humdrum of the daily grind, and get into your workshop; whether it’s the garage, the garden, the tennis court, the golf field, or your daily run.

Hobby takes our mind off the mundane.  Move it forward into life purpose; with dedicated thought and conversation with self.

Frame of Mind

It could be said, that it all is just a frame of mind.

Whether we’re happy/sad, angry/ vengeful, pleasant/cordial, social or unsocial.

What puts you , in what frame of mind?

To find this out takes a little reflection and inward conjecture.  Conjecture because were never truly done unraveling the workings of the mind.  But it is a fun little mind-wrestle to work out what’s going on today. What’s causing our behavior or reaction to certain situations.

Some people don’t like time alone.  You’d be surprised how long 5 minutes really is.  The second hand gets pretty loud, when your timing yourself a short 5 minutes on concentrating.  Spending time alone, inwardly reflecting on improving oneself, can be painful, lengthy and long.

It is not a waste of time to consider your frame of mind at all times.  Whether you realize it or not, you are going to spend the rest of the 12 or 18 hours left in this day spent thinking of yourself; what you want and what you need, solving problems… it just won’t be mindful.

It’s just not productive, (to think of oneself all day) if that action is not producing desired outcomes.

• Improving oneself
• Helping others

What dreams are made of

Using dream analysis to define your life purpose can help overcome daily battles/struggles.  Using simple dream techniques can help you hear your inner voice.  Connecting with dream characters or just trying to remember the last seconds of your dream upon waking can cause connection to self.  Hearing or seeing dream images can help identify with source. In your dream state you can fight the battles you can’t fight or don’t fight in real life.

Intentionally attempting to work with and bring forth dream truths, sets us on a journey of seeking clues and symbols.  Paying attention to our inner self and asking the tough questions.

Dreams bring to the surface issues that could be dealt with in waking life.  Your subconscious is allowing and bring it forward, asking you, the conscious mind, “Is this right?  Am I seeing this right?”.  You begin to recognize symbols and clues that lead to the questions such a,s should you be having a baby, right now?  Is this the right man for you in your life?  A storm is coming; are common themes in intense dream scenarios.  Being prepared is bracing your self in real life for real life happenings.  This is a very safe way to pursue your inner workings and your inner life and open up a dialogue with self…by recognizing and acknowledging dream cues.

Your dreams deserve dream analysis.  Looking at the message from the subconscious is a communication in the full circle loop of who you are, who have become, where you have come from and where you are going.  Your dreams are going to be honest with you about what you want.  What you don’t want. What need.  What you don’t need…  Dreams will question you ~ the dreamer, about how your current life is affecting what you; actually want out of what you are actually getting.   There are so many cases of dream analysis proving to the dreamer that the subconscious questions their work, and their work-status, and their co-workers, and their position in the workforce, with that group.   ~  In a dream, it is going to be a ship, a boat, a sinking ship, a ship on FIRE! A boat like ferry, or a boat like a yacht.  You getting along with the crew or the crew trying to kill you .  These are vital pieces of information for survival in the workforce!   Recognizing cues and waking up with a purpose, or staunch memory of what was just dreamed, is imperative to soul’s growth.  A resounding, pleasant, happy shrill will come from the subconscious~ for you paying attention to it once in a while!

Look at what your dreams are telling you.  They are telling you how your current life is affecting you soul’s existence.

True Self

Being true to self came to mind as a chapter for this book when trying to visualize a Roman Soldier trying to be a priestess in a temple.  Trying to visualize the priestess robbing the hero of his victory by sacrificing herself to the sea monster herself;  making her the hero instead of the soldier.  It changes up the story TOO much if you try to be something you are not.  Being true to yourself doesn’t mean abandon your actual skill sets and talents in this life. Being true to yourself challenges you to embrace your true inner most desires and heart-sourced talents that let you shine  and bleed into this world pure light.  Nothing can stop that force. That train of universal talent that you are in touch with or resounds within you naturally.  It may not make you a million dollars, but you’ll feel like a million bucks!

• Don’t jip yourself of explicit joy by trying to be something you are not!
• Don’t’ be too hard on yourself for not knowing.(what that should be).

It’s worth the investment of time and energy, concentration and quiet, to check in with self.  Even if it’s just once in a while.  Try to find 5 minutes of peace and quiet, and use it constructively.  Try to remember the feeling of being excited about what you USED TO WANT to be (when you grew up)! You don’t have to do those things as career move choices, but get in touch with those talents to return to self and a sense of purpose.

example:  see Scott Lawlor and this “hobby” he has adopted.  This should be full time passion, right?  When you have this kind of talent?