heathermassoth

You can't doing everything everyday!

Anarchy

What if we all thought the same.  What would that same be?  What if everyone thought about that zombie-life.  Or do we follow the thought pattern of totalitarian religious ideas?

That being said, it’s safe to say, we are not all thinking the same thing all the time.  While sitting in traffic, the lady in front of you may be thinking about her recently deceased mother, while the person in front of her is streaming music/movie/porn on their iPhone .

Those who meditate on fantasma or video games, relish in that make-believe; making real life look pretty boring. Those who meditate on higher things have a higher purpose.  If only to discipline one’s mind, or attempt purity of thought.  #bhagavad #gita #holyones.

Knowing that not everyone is thinking the same thoughts all the time, helps us be more compassionate towards each other.  Because we don’t know what others are thinking. Be free to think. Being mindful of your thoughts. #mindfulness.  Remembering that others have their own. (way of thinking).

But wouldn’t it be great if everyone thought like you?   (Gosh I hope not.  When I think about some of the things other people think about!)

http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/anarchy

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This may not apply to the corporate structure.  In the business world, being unified in thought and process is essential. We tend to share and agree on thoughts and ideas regarding business dealings. But in the workplace, on a daily meditative basis, others are not always on the same page as you.  You are googling different things…(your individual life’s necessities) and not always clapping in response to today’s lecture. IOW, people go back to thinking thier own thougths after “the lecture”.

 

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Remember when…

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We all have experience times of change and growth.  It is really easy to recognize in others.  I/e. “Oh, I remember when I liked horses”, and you had all the gear, cozy pants and a new bridle.  Or “I remember when I hung out at Starbucks, sitting there on the comfy couch feeling all nostalgic, retro, and romantic”, and “I remember when my kids were that age”, and you think back to how you are not that person anymore.

It may be easier to recognize our stages of growth in others, because we have a difficult time looking at ourselves.  It’s natural to not turn the periscope on ourselves.  Ooo!  Ouch!  But in others, we say, “I remember when that was important to me”.

  • going to church
  • going to work on time
  • speeding through traffic
    • cuz you’re  young
    • cuz you’re late
  • new baby stage
  • THe dating era

And when we see others there, in that place, we get to quietly reminisce, hate, judge, razberry their moment, or revel in the joy of the memory.

Everyone experiences different stages of growth and yet we tend to insist, we haven’t changed at all.  Are we the same person we were at 18, 28 or 32?   Some admit to changing and are glad for it!

“Thank God I’m not that hectic, rebellious immature young adult anymore!”  “Thank God there is not a baby in the house waking me at all hours of the night anymore” and “Thank God I found this person, so I am not sitting on this park bench alone in my maturing, grateful- to- be- alive years.”  Finally, for the old folks and retirees, “Thank God, the children are all ok and don’t need me anymore”.  “I remember when we were busy and couldn’t  share the holidays with my folks!”  So the old folks respect admire and allow us 30 and 40 something room to grow and get those kids off to school.  But just remember, they remember those times too.  Not only might they have advice or words of wisdom, we can all share in the silent surrender of being glad we are not in that person’s place in life anymore, or yet, but still be compassionate towards those that are in “that place”, knowing you survived it, and just take a moment to pity their plight.

Learning compassion is just taking a step back AND PUTTING your self in other people’s shoes.  You don’t have to do it all the time or be constantly sympathetic to other’s bad behavior, aggression, and evilness… But do consider their place in life on their journey and considering they may be struggling with some change or transition.  Silently observe, to feel kindness and compassion in your own heart, even if you can’t relay it or lend a helping hand.

But for those that are open to suggestion, offer up those words of encouragement… that “it will be over soon, and your gonna miss this.  You’ll look back and remember these were the days. ” And somehow be glad you’ re no longer there and in it.  Observing others when you miss those times; kids in the park, nursery at church, attending a wedding; brings back those moments from your life into your current memories and feelings without having to truly experience it again.

 

For all those 40 something new moms:  You see now that maybe you should have just volunteered at the church nursery or spent a few years in a day care center to get over the hump of missing that stage, when your older kids were young.  But we all know, observing you, that there is magic and joy in the happiness of childhood nothing can replace.

We are all just glad someone else is doing it, and we’re not in that place anymore.

Thanks to all of you offering us “observers”, moments to reminisce and be glad for our current plight in life, or by giving us something to look forward to.  I/e.  You old folks sitting on a park bench!  You know who you lovers are!

 

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grander you

Every opportunity is a new opportunity to be the bigger, better you.  The more practice and experience you gain in making the most of every moment, every interaction, every confrontation, the more comfortable you’ll be in your new skin.  The more obvious petty moments sound. The more obvious petty people are. The more obvious that everything is a petty ccomplaint.

When you recognize the connectivity of it all, the more petty our daily bumbles seem.

The grander life is.

The grander our purpose is.

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Pipe Dreams

Obviously, there is a huge difference between “pipe dreams” and realizing or manifesting soul purpose.  When you feel it, know it, and are living it, there is no turning back; no being wrong about it.

Follow a pipe dream first, as practice. (if you have the time).   Learn the curves, hurdles and ins-and-outs of making something happen out of nothing.  See how hard it is.  Experience that resistance, the negative feedback and lack of time allowable.  That’s how you know it’s not life purpose.  By not coming naturally, authentically, with assistance, support, positive feedback and an incredible amount of support that just seemingly appears out of thin air.   People come out of the woodwork. People you begin to meet that are connections in the field of interest. The difference is to be felt and experienced, so you know you are doing the right thing. The thing that feels right.  More than filling a void of boredom or escapism, it explodes out from inside of you.

Letting your inner child come out and play with the fire trucks, hammers, tools; your true purpose may reveal itself.  Following an old pipe dream or picking up a special or new hobby, allows time to concentrate and look inward, while hiding behind the work.  Whether it be exercise, an experiment in the basement, a project on line.  Searching for purpose requires quiet time alone.  In these moments of catering to your soul and listening to spirit, you can have the conversation, with self, about what your dreams are trying to tell you.

Quiet time; or concrete, dedicated time; on a “hobby” lets us hear about the action to take, while alert and awake, uninterrupted by the noise of the world.  Wake up from the humdrum of the daily grind, and get into your workshop; whether it’s the garage, the garden, the tennis court, the golf field, or your daily run.

Hobby takes our mind off the mundane.  Move it forward into life purpose; with dedicated thought and conversation with self.

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Frame of Mind

It could be said, that it all is just a frame of mind.

Whether we’re happy/sad, angry/ vengeful, pleasant/cordial, social or unsocial.

What puts you , in what frame of mind?

To find this out takes a little reflection and inward conjecture.  Conjecture because were never truly done unraveling the workings of the mind.  But it is a fun little mind-wrestle to work out what’s going on today. What’s causing our behavior or reaction to certain situations.

Some people don’t like time alone.  You’d be surprised how long 5 minutes really is.  The second hand gets pretty loud, when your timing yourself a short 5 minutes on concentrating.  Spending time alone, inwardly reflecting on improving oneself, can be painful, lengthy and long.

It is not a waste of time to consider your frame of mind at all times.  Whether you realize it or not, you are going to spend the rest of the 12 or 18 hours left in this day spent thinking of yourself; what you want and what you need, solving problems… it just won’t be mindful.

It’s just not productive, (to think of oneself all day) if that action is not producing desired outcomes.

  • Improving oneself
  • Helping others
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Apathathetic Sea of Sad

The Apathy in this world is outrageous. The younger generation perpetually chanting “No one cares”.

They seem to not care about school, manners, the future, the state of the world or their country.

When you consider no one cares.  What difference does it make what you do?

Consider then that what you do does matter to YOU, your future, who you are, what you will do, what you will be.

Where you will place your personage?  Deliberately and on purpose.  Be purposeful with what you do!

Especially if no one cares, what difference does it make if you choose to be better, rise above and perfect your actions?

Go ahead and be better.  The big “they” don’t care if you wallow in filth or flounder like a fish out of water.

It’s one thing for you not to care about others, or that others could care less about you.

But don’t you care about you?  Where you put your feet, what you eat, when you go to bed.

Where in your brain do you find peace, happiness and joy?…Do it on purpose and with mindfulness.

If for no other reason than no one else cares.  Shouldn’t you?

An expansion on this chapter on Apathy in A Course to Center.

Find Compassionate Communication available now:

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Excuses

People tend to fall back on complaining. It is one of those negative repetitive habits that are almost unbreakable. It comes so natural and it is so neutral – a subject and arena of existence. Complaining tends to be something we can all agree on. No matter the complaint, we bring it up, only if others will agree with us. This makes the choice to complain pretty base, immature and unimaginative. If you could pinpoint the problem and solve it, or bring up the underlying cause to the problem, or comically reduce the stress, that’s mature, responsible and grown up. But to just complain, can get pretty old. Even to those around you who appear to be agreeing with you.

Take it upon yourself to take the high road, be big and achieve greatness in this situation. Resist the urge to agree with a complainer to start. If you can resist to complain yourself, that is greatness.

One of the first steps in acquiring peace, joy and rest in your life is to not continuously fall into bad habits. Start with this one. It could take years to recognize the triggers for the complaints and the outcomes of those rages. If it is just a bad habit, STOP IT!

If you need motivation or intention inserted into the decision to not complain, visit our worksheets and workshops at http://www.tweakingrelationships.com

 

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Change

Change can be frightening in any order, at any level.  Changing what you have for breakfast?  Forget about it! Think about how much you are not going to change THAT!   But it could change your whole world.  Avocado on wheat toast this morning?  No one needs to know about it, no one may ever know…but… they will see a change in you.

1. Because you have a confused look on your face all morning like, “Why did I do that”?

2.  You have more energy so you are accomplishing more this morning.

3. You look at that guy eating a doughnut and pity him.  4. You might even be nicer to that guy today because you feel so sorry for him.  (Because he didn’t get an avocado on his toast this morning).

But overall, there is change.  And little change can have big results.  I think that’s why people resist, question and doubt its process.  Skeptical and hesitant are we toward that weird new thing that could change our lives!!!  Even if it’s wearing flats instead of heels.  You could have an entirely different day. Start small with stuff people can’t see.  They may not see the process or the action, but they will see the outcome, the results.  And so will you !

 

 

  • add prayer
  • add a goal
  • add approach to conversation
  • Look for resuts.  
  • Sit and watch. Practice Observer.

All workshops at  www.tweakingrelationships.com

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Embarrassment as a tool

When you think about it, it’s not that far fetched a theory.  Watch and ask yourself, are you doing it to some one else.  It is a very powerful tool.  So much so, it’s used in classrooms, government offices and the workplace.

The saddest place, for me is the classroom. Terrifying and embarrassing children in the classroom, for some, in the hallway in the name of silence or on the playground for cooperation.  Government too uses it for cooperation, and this is pathetic.  In a land, where men can speak and have unalienable rights, we embarrass the needy, the wretched, the visitors, the immigrant.  The mother who needs milk for her children and the  soldier picking up his disability check .  For the government it is abominable.  Commercials, propaganda, housing, soup kitchens, charity and the uber wealthy.  Shame is a powerful, valuable tool un-ashamably used to keep a man down.

Finally, the workplace.  Your boss, co-workers or even the sandwich man uses embarrassment to control the crowd, control the group, control the ladder climber.

When I see a child shamed, a single mother shamed, or a brave civilian in the workplace take on the challenge of confronting a wrong-doer in the corporate world, I cringe.

A strong , usable and over-used resource. . . let’s use compassion to get what we need.  Be softer in our requests, and use our words (kindly) to relay our point.   Using shame as an embarrassing tool is the easy and cowardly way out. It is lazy, immature, and an un-educated response to loosing control of the situation.  Embarrassment ends the argument quickly and solutions are come to terms sooner by silencing the offender.  When about when we are speaking truth? or defending the helpless?  Note that you are chastised in the bank line, because you are pointing out a workers incompetence. . . to control the crowd!

It takes being brave at all to voice our opinion, put ourselves out there, or ask for help.  Why are  we punished with shame rather than rewarded with kindness?

blushing

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