heathermassoth

You can't doing everything everyday!

Apathathetic Sea of Sad

The Apathy in this world is outrageous. The younger generation perpetually chanting “No one cares”.

They seem to not care about school, manners, the future, the state of the world or their country.

When you consider no one cares.  What difference does it make what you do?

Consider then that what you do does matter to YOU, your future, who you are, what you will do, what you will be.

Where you will place your personage?  Deliberately and on purpose.  Be purposeful with what you do!

Especially if no one cares, what difference does it make if you choose to be better, rise above and perfect your actions?

Go ahead and be better.  The big “they” don’t care if you wallow in filth or flounder like a fish out of water.

It’s one thing for you not to care about others, or that others could care less about you.

But don’t you care about you?  Where you put your feet, what you eat, when you go to bed.

Where in your brain do you find peace, happiness and joy?…Do it on purpose and with mindfulness.

If for no other reason than no one else cares.  Shouldn’t you?

An expansion on this chapter on Apathy in A Course to Center.

Find Compassionate Communication available now:

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Squirrel mentality

I bet squirrels think they are pretty busy and pretty important (to themselves, about themselves and about what they are doing). Frantically running around gathering nuts.  Ending the day feeling pretty accomplished.  For what??? They are just running up and down trees, not caring about squirrels in the adjacent neighborhood, across town, or even across the street. Cincinatti or New Orleans for that matter!  They just run around accomplishing their task for the day, not even concerned (until they learn a lesson or two) about running out into the street and getting hit by a car!  Just running around gathering nuts for their little hole in the ground.

What’s the car in your daily routine?   Interent? coffee? lunch routine? particular people?

What bowls you over and derails you or even “kills” your drive, motivation, reason for being?

Are you getting hit by “a car” daily?  Or is it just one vice that floors you, creams you, flattens you out?

You little squirrel, you!

Don’t be mindless about running around, frantically accomplishing today’s tasks. Avoid the common patterns or destructive behaviors that derail.

Keep your eye on the prize and be mindful about gathering your nuts.  There are neighboring squirrels gathering nuts too, all over the world as a matter of fact.   Be mindful of that too, when you interact with other “squirrels” in traffic, the hall at work, public places.  Be mindful of the fact that you are not the only squirrel with a mission.  Especially, when you return to your little whole in the ground. (Those you love have been busy too).

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Milk Before Meat

My book is for everyone!  In all places at all times!

Ever find books so far over your head, you wonder, who reads this stuff?  That is what concerns me about the millions of people out there who don’t read at all, much less,  pick up a book for help.  Millions of people who need direction, assistance, guidance, don’t dare pick up a book that they get lost in in the first two chapters.

I would lose sleep at night contemplating that someone would give up on my book before they got to the end. Avid readers can read my book(s) in an hour!  My particular dose of medicine caters to piece meal and baby-steps methodology.  So though, one may appreciate chapter 2, they may not need chapter 7 for their particular stage of growth.  When they get to chapter 7 as their favorite, they are past or have mastered, chapter 2! Aphrodite-aphrodite-21787817-79-120

If you are curious about the simplicity of my message, check out COMPASSIONATE COMMUNICATION: ( link on picture)—->

Know that it is not written for my colleagues per se, as it is preaching to the choir, as they say.  It is written for the customer waiting in the waiting room, the over-worked, over-tired commuter, the teachers lounge, for easy lunch time reading, the yoga  practitioners before and after a healthy practice, the yoga instructors needing a quick lesson for today.

My message is to reach millions who need loving kindness laid out simply, in easy to achieve steps, with simple attainable goals, double spaced for easy reading and hopefully life long study.

Yoga Instructors, preachers, Christian soldiers, teachers.  Just about every human being needs these simple steps to begin loving kindness with thy neighbor.  Knock yourself out!  PLEASE use it to help those who might not quite “get it”!- yet.

Excellent read for:

  • social workers
  • as well as relaying lessons and methods to anger management clientele.
  • Excellent fod for meditations
  • and surviving family situations.
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Excuses

People tend to fall back on complaining. It is one of those negative repetitive habits that are almost unbreakable. It comes so natural and it is so neutral – a subject and arena of existence. Complaining tends to be something we can all agree on. No matter the complaint, we bring it up, only if others will agree with us. This makes the choice to complain pretty base, immature and unimaginative. If you could pinpoint the problem and solve it, or bring up the underlying cause to the problem, or comically reduce the stress, that’s mature, responsible and grown up. But to just complain, can get pretty old. Even to those around you who appear to be agreeing with you.

Take it upon yourself to take the high road, be big and achieve greatness in this situation. Resist the urge to agree with a complainer to start. If you can resist to complain yourself, that is greatness.

One of the first steps in acquiring peace, joy and rest in your life is to not continuously fall into bad habits. Start with this one. It could take years to recognize the triggers for the complaints and the outcomes of those rages. If it is just a bad habit, STOP IT!

If you need motivation or intention inserted into the decision to not complain, visit our worksheets and workshops at http://www.tweakingrelationships.com

 

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Change

Change can be frightening in any order, at any level.  Changing what you have for breakfast?  Forget about it! Think about how much you are not going to change THAT!   But it could change your whole world.  Avocado on wheat toast this morning?  No one needs to know about it, no one may ever know…but… they will see a change in you.

1. Because you have a confused look on your face all morning like, “Why did I do that”?

2.  You have more energy so you are accomplishing more this morning.

3. You look at that guy eating a doughnut and pity him.  4. You might even be nicer to that guy today because you feel so sorry for him.  (Because he didn’t get an avocado on his toast this morning).

But overall, there is change.  And little change can have big results.  I think that’s why people resist, question and doubt its process.  Skeptical and hesitant are we toward that weird new thing that could change our lives!!!  Even if it’s wearing flats instead of heels.  You could have an entirely different day. Start small with stuff people can’t see.  They may not see the process or the action, but they will see the outcome, the results.  And so will you !

 

 

  • add prayer
  • add a goal
  • add approach to conversation
  • Look for resuts.  
  • Sit and watch. Practice Observer.

All workshops at  www.tweakingrelationships.com

  • Free consultations
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Embarrassment as a tool

When you think about it, it’s not that far fetched a theory.  Watch and ask yourself, are you doing it to some one else.  It is a very powerful tool.  So much so, it’s used in classrooms, government offices and the workplace.

The saddest place, for me is the classroom. Terrifying and embarrassing children in the classroom, for some, in the hallway in the name of silence or on the playground for cooperation.  Government too uses it for cooperation, and this is pathetic.  In a land, where men can speak and have unalienable rights, we embarrass the needy, the wretched, the visitors, the immigrant.  The mother who needs milk for her children and the  soldier picking up his disability check .  For the government it is abominable.  Commercials, propaganda, housing, soup kitchens, charity and the uber wealthy.  Shame is a powerful, valuable tool un-ashamably used to keep a man down.

Finally, the workplace.  Your boss, co-workers or even the sandwich man uses embarrassment to control the crowd, control the group, control the ladder climber.

When I see a child shamed, a single mother shamed, or a brave civilian in the workplace take on the challenge of confronting a wrong-doer in the corporate world, I cringe.

A strong , usable and over-used resource. . . let’s use compassion to get what we need.  Be softer in our requests, and use our words (kindly) to relay our point.   Using shame as an embarrassing tool is the easy and cowardly way out. It is lazy, immature, and an un-educated response to loosing control of the situation.  Embarrassment ends the argument quickly and solutions are come to terms sooner by silencing the offender.  When about when we are speaking truth? or defending the helpless?  Note that you are chastised in the bank line, because you are pointing out a workers incompetence. . . to control the crowd!

It takes being brave at all to voice our opinion, put ourselves out there, or ask for help.  Why are  we punished with shame rather than rewarded with kindness?

blushing

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Cheaper to keep her?

It is thought, the costly part of divorce is, the divorce costs, splitting monies and sharing income “literally”.  However, the cost HE pays in the exit of the wife out the front door are these services he’d have to hire to replace her.

Chauffer/ valet – cleaning and maintenance of the vehicles(oil changes and car washes.  Pulling out the fast food trash, lunch boxes muddy shoes, yesterday’s change of clothes… A professional getting paid doesn’t have the pain -in -the- rear or the level of “cleaning out the car” as a mom.   Parking, organizing the garage.  Sweeping and mopping and decoarting the garage so it’s a pleasant place to go .  Making the garage and parking arrangement smooth, transitional and functional.  WALK THROUGH AS THEY SAY.

How busy is your week after your husband gets a wild hair to spend “the weekend in the garage”? 

Butler – $50-110k /year.  depending on the weight of their duties and how many subordinates they manage.

Ever wondered?  Look it up!  

Housekeeper – clean house, laundry, change sheets, dust, vacuum, keep schedule for family, cook, meal plan, grocery shopping, popcorn clean-up, etc.

laundry maid – this wonderful civilian could return to her own private life at the end of a busy day, but is happy to turn a load or two daily for you to help you to stay on top of dirty socks.

Personal Chef– the reason he has to afford this individual is because his wife usually caters to his specific needs, wants and requirements.  She does not force him to eat the macaroni and cheese and hot dogs she made the kids for dinner.  But surprisingly enough, he’d be happy to have that too!  Once in a while a man does just want a peaunut butter and jelly sandwich.

So, for all the women out there who accomplish these tasks (daily) and can’t feel the gratitude, feel free to remind him once in a while what yoru “free” services aren’t costing him. 

And trust me!  This is exactly why divorce is not an option!

Aphrodite-aphrodite-27169798-89-120  http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss/181-1425989-4321838?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=heathermassoth

 

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Change

The thing about change, most people expect the worst.  The extreme.  Go straight to the worst case scenario.  Or the extreme – haha!  Let’s not change our hair or our address, before we simply change our route to work.  Perhaps, the long way home as they say!  Perhaps salad instead of steak, or blue instead of pink (nail polish, hair color, baby room paint).   These are scenarios alone are scary, but braved, break through the fear of possibility.

Change doesn’t have to be apparent and obvious….and most of the time it’s not!  It takes years to let the long way home affect your outlook on life.  Volunteering to pick up the kids from school; saves mom the trip to the school.;  has rippling effects that cause her calm, and the kids bonding time with you and you, the break from the routine and 5 o’clock traffic.  Now you are in  4:00 traffic.  A whole new world.  Welcome to after-school life !

Change is quite healthy when it is salad over steak, toast over eggs, and slow over fast.  But change can be drastic in small doses as well.  One less cup of coffee or one less beer.  These are the fear factors that produce real evidence of how scary change can be.  

But try it and see the outcome.  The other results; other than those that directly affect you; that affect those around you like co-workers, sisters and friends.  Blue instead of pink can open up new window of opportunites, invitations and light into your life that others could not see into those dark shadows. 

When they think you “get” blue over pink, you might be invited to a rave, a same sex couples’ baby shower, a friend of your child’s mother might think you are worthy of an art show opening or a late night phone call.

Little changes can produce big results.  So be careful!  And remember you don’t have to change ALOT to change a little.

Clean water is a goal for many Americans. 

The Ripple Effect

www.heather’shouse.net

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Karma – excerpt

Karma is something we’ll touch base on here as it is a big part of why Compassionate Communication matters and should be important to everyone in the everday, day-to-day lives.

When we consider that people we meet, know or live with are people we’ve met, loved or known before, we take on a whole new perception of why certain people bug, jibe or flatter us (compliment us).

The possibilities are endless and the fanatasies – off the charts!  But allowing your imagination to run wild when you meet someone who affects you – helps with these compassionate communication excercises.

www.heathershouse.net 

Buy the book when you see it on the shelf!owl

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Compassionate Communication

Compassionate Communication causes us to take a step back.  Frees us from having to be so heavily buried in the moment we can’t see our way out.  Allows us to take the higher road because we chose to treat the customer service rep like someone we knew in a past life.  Just sit and observe and on a higher level, be forgiving and compassionate and praying, that in anyway,  you ever harmed this person you will be forgiven.  By the end of the communication, they may be apologizing to you ! Consider the past, present and future effects of our reactions in communication.

When regulating current behavior for future results, it helps to be calm in the moment.

We may ask ourselves, why do I care?  Why should I care how the other person feels?  They don’t care (how I feel /what I want).

When we take the time to invest in the relationship, (especially with our own children -these are life long relationships) we change our perception of the moment.  When you look back, what does that look like? 

This moment now is the one you will be looking back on.  What do you want it to look like?

Into the future, as close as tomorrow, will your action/reaction RIGHT NOW, be one you look back on and don’t have to question, “Did I do the right thing?”

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Karma people!

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