heathermassoth

You can't doing everything everyday!

Frame of Mind

It could be said, that it all is just a frame of mind.

Whether we’re happy/sad, angry/ vengeful, pleasant/cordial, social or unsocial.

What puts you , in what frame of mind?

To find this out takes a little reflection and inward conjecture.  Conjecture because were never truly done unraveling the workings of the mind.  But it is a fun little mind-wrestle to work out what’s going on today. What’s causing our behavior or reaction to certain situations.

Some people don’t like time alone.  You’d be surprised how long 5 minutes really is.  The second hand gets pretty loud, when your timing yourself a short 5 minutes on concentrating.  Spending time alone, inwardly reflecting on improving oneself, can be painful, lengthy and long.

It is not a waste of time to consider your frame of mind at all times.  Whether you realize it or not, you are going to spend the rest of the 12 or 18 hours left in this day spent thinking of yourself; what you want and what you need, solving problems… it just won’t be mindful.

It’s just not productive, (to think of oneself all day) if that action is not producing desired outcomes.

  • Improving oneself
  • Helping others
Leave a comment »

Achieve Balance with Opposites

Opposites Attract and Achieve balance.  A happy middle-ground.

If you are a watcher and tend to lack “taking action” – you may need to practice DOING, in order to achieve change.

A slight change in your outlook on life, the outlook of the room, the outlook on dinner, could be doing something you don’t normally do.  Act instead of observe.

On the flip side, if you are always taking action and a take charge kinda gal (or guy), warn everyone around you that you are trying something new in the month of (your choice of change).  You are going to sit back and listen at dinner, let your husband order for you (Ohhhhhh!)  and maybe see what the children want to do on a Saturday rather than have a plan.

Practice being uncomfortable with the opposite of your normal for a set amount of time.  Go back to your old ways!  But they won’t fit so well, and you will have a new outlook on life.

Try opposite day for a month and see how it changes your perspective on life and people around you.  You will experience strangers, co-workers and family members in a whole new way.

This technique  (once a year, once in a while…) opens your eyes and sets new highs for old lows.  It’s fun and adventuresome.

Feel free share your learning curve, picture proof or your story, here.  Fresh insight using this technique can be shockingly amazing!

Note:  Change is a chapter in my book Compassionate Communication.

Leave a comment »

Embarrassment as a tool

When you think about it, it’s not that far fetched a theory.  Watch and ask yourself, are you doing it to some one else.  It is a very powerful tool.  So much so, it’s used in classrooms, government offices and the workplace.

The saddest place, for me is the classroom. Terrifying and embarrassing children in the classroom, for some, in the hallway in the name of silence or on the playground for cooperation.  Government too uses it for cooperation, and this is pathetic.  In a land, where men can speak and have unalienable rights, we embarrass the needy, the wretched, the visitors, the immigrant.  The mother who needs milk for her children and the  soldier picking up his disability check .  For the government it is abominable.  Commercials, propaganda, housing, soup kitchens, charity and the uber wealthy.  Shame is a powerful, valuable tool un-ashamably used to keep a man down.

Finally, the workplace.  Your boss, co-workers or even the sandwich man uses embarrassment to control the crowd, control the group, control the ladder climber.

When I see a child shamed, a single mother shamed, or a brave civilian in the workplace take on the challenge of confronting a wrong-doer in the corporate world, I cringe.

A strong , usable and over-used resource. . . let’s use compassion to get what we need.  Be softer in our requests, and use our words (kindly) to relay our point.   Using shame as an embarrassing tool is the easy and cowardly way out. It is lazy, immature, and an un-educated response to loosing control of the situation.  Embarrassment ends the argument quickly and solutions are come to terms sooner by silencing the offender.  When about when we are speaking truth? or defending the helpless?  Note that you are chastised in the bank line, because you are pointing out a workers incompetence. . . to control the crowd!

It takes being brave at all to voice our opinion, put ourselves out there, or ask for help.  Why are  we punished with shame rather than rewarded with kindness?

blushing

Leave a comment »