heathermassoth

You can't doing everything everyday!

Remember when…

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We all have experience times of change and growth.  It is really easy to recognize in others.  I/e. “Oh, I remember when I liked horses”, and you had all the gear, cozy pants and a new bridle.  Or “I remember when I hung out at Starbucks, sitting there on the comfy couch feeling all nostalgic, retro, and romantic”, and “I remember when my kids were that age”, and you think back to how you are not that person anymore.

It may be easier to recognize our stages of growth in others, because we have a difficult time looking at ourselves.  It’s natural to not turn the periscope on ourselves.  Ooo!  Ouch!  But in others, we say, “I remember when that was important to me”.

  • going to church
  • going to work on time
  • speeding through traffic
    • cuz you’re  young
    • cuz you’re late
  • new baby stage
  • THe dating era

And when we see others there, in that place, we get to quietly reminisce, hate, judge, razberry their moment, or revel in the joy of the memory.

Everyone experiences different stages of growth and yet we tend to insist, we haven’t changed at all.  Are we the same person we were at 18, 28 or 32?   Some admit to changing and are glad for it!

“Thank God I’m not that hectic, rebellious immature young adult anymore!”  “Thank God there is not a baby in the house waking me at all hours of the night anymore” and “Thank God I found this person, so I am not sitting on this park bench alone in my maturing, grateful- to- be- alive years.”  Finally, for the old folks and retirees, “Thank God, the children are all ok and don’t need me anymore”.  “I remember when we were busy and couldn’t  share the holidays with my folks!”  So the old folks respect admire and allow us 30 and 40 something room to grow and get those kids off to school.  But just remember, they remember those times too.  Not only might they have advice or words of wisdom, we can all share in the silent surrender of being glad we are not in that person’s place in life anymore, or yet, but still be compassionate towards those that are in “that place”, knowing you survived it, and just take a moment to pity their plight.

Learning compassion is just taking a step back AND PUTTING your self in other people’s shoes.  You don’t have to do it all the time or be constantly sympathetic to other’s bad behavior, aggression, and evilness… But do consider their place in life on their journey and considering they may be struggling with some change or transition.  Silently observe, to feel kindness and compassion in your own heart, even if you can’t relay it or lend a helping hand.

But for those that are open to suggestion, offer up those words of encouragement… that “it will be over soon, and your gonna miss this.  You’ll look back and remember these were the days. ” And somehow be glad you’ re no longer there and in it.  Observing others when you miss those times; kids in the park, nursery at church, attending a wedding; brings back those moments from your life into your current memories and feelings without having to truly experience it again.

 

For all those 40 something new moms:  You see now that maybe you should have just volunteered at the church nursery or spent a few years in a day care center to get over the hump of missing that stage, when your older kids were young.  But we all know, observing you, that there is magic and joy in the happiness of childhood nothing can replace.

We are all just glad someone else is doing it, and we’re not in that place anymore.

Thanks to all of you offering us “observers”, moments to reminisce and be glad for our current plight in life, or by giving us something to look forward to.  I/e.  You old folks sitting on a park bench!  You know who you lovers are!

 

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Change

The thing about change, most people expect the worst.  The extreme.  Go straight to the worst case scenario.  Or the extreme – haha!  Let’s not change our hair or our address, before we simply change our route to work.  Perhaps, the long way home as they say!  Perhaps salad instead of steak, or blue instead of pink (nail polish, hair color, baby room paint).   These are scenarios alone are scary, but braved, break through the fear of possibility.

Change doesn’t have to be apparent and obvious….and most of the time it’s not!  It takes years to let the long way home affect your outlook on life.  Volunteering to pick up the kids from school; saves mom the trip to the school.;  has rippling effects that cause her calm, and the kids bonding time with you and you, the break from the routine and 5 o’clock traffic.  Now you are in  4:00 traffic.  A whole new world.  Welcome to after-school life !

Change is quite healthy when it is salad over steak, toast over eggs, and slow over fast.  But change can be drastic in small doses as well.  One less cup of coffee or one less beer.  These are the fear factors that produce real evidence of how scary change can be.  

But try it and see the outcome.  The other results; other than those that directly affect you; that affect those around you like co-workers, sisters and friends.  Blue instead of pink can open up new window of opportunites, invitations and light into your life that others could not see into those dark shadows. 

When they think you “get” blue over pink, you might be invited to a rave, a same sex couples’ baby shower, a friend of your child’s mother might think you are worthy of an art show opening or a late night phone call.

Little changes can produce big results.  So be careful!  And remember you don’t have to change ALOT to change a little.

Clean water is a goal for many Americans. 

The Ripple Effect

www.heather’shouse.net

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Compassionate Communication

Compassionate Communication causes us to take a step back.  Frees us from having to be so heavily buried in the moment we can’t see our way out.  Allows us to take the higher road because we chose to treat the customer service rep like someone we knew in a past life.  Just sit and observe and on a higher level, be forgiving and compassionate and praying, that in anyway,  you ever harmed this person you will be forgiven.  By the end of the communication, they may be apologizing to you ! Consider the past, present and future effects of our reactions in communication.

When regulating current behavior for future results, it helps to be calm in the moment.

We may ask ourselves, why do I care?  Why should I care how the other person feels?  They don’t care (how I feel /what I want).

When we take the time to invest in the relationship, (especially with our own children -these are life long relationships) we change our perception of the moment.  When you look back, what does that look like? 

This moment now is the one you will be looking back on.  What do you want it to look like?

Into the future, as close as tomorrow, will your action/reaction RIGHT NOW, be one you look back on and don’t have to question, “Did I do the right thing?”

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Karma people!

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