heathermassoth

You can't doing everything everyday!

Remember when…

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We all have experience times of change and growth.  It is really easy to recognize in others.  I/e. “Oh, I remember when I liked horses”, and you had all the gear, cozy pants and a new bridle.  Or “I remember when I hung out at Starbucks, sitting there on the comfy couch feeling all nostalgic, retro, and romantic”, and “I remember when my kids were that age”, and you think back to how you are not that person anymore.

It may be easier to recognize our stages of growth in others, because we have a difficult time looking at ourselves.  It’s natural to not turn the periscope on ourselves.  Ooo!  Ouch!  But in others, we say, “I remember when that was important to me”.

  • going to church
  • going to work on time
  • speeding through traffic
    • cuz you’re  young
    • cuz you’re late
  • new baby stage
  • THe dating era

And when we see others there, in that place, we get to quietly reminisce, hate, judge, razberry their moment, or revel in the joy of the memory.

Everyone experiences different stages of growth and yet we tend to insist, we haven’t changed at all.  Are we the same person we were at 18, 28 or 32?   Some admit to changing and are glad for it!

“Thank God I’m not that hectic, rebellious immature young adult anymore!”  “Thank God there is not a baby in the house waking me at all hours of the night anymore” and “Thank God I found this person, so I am not sitting on this park bench alone in my maturing, grateful- to- be- alive years.”  Finally, for the old folks and retirees, “Thank God, the children are all ok and don’t need me anymore”.  “I remember when we were busy and couldn’t  share the holidays with my folks!”  So the old folks respect admire and allow us 30 and 40 something room to grow and get those kids off to school.  But just remember, they remember those times too.  Not only might they have advice or words of wisdom, we can all share in the silent surrender of being glad we are not in that person’s place in life anymore, or yet, but still be compassionate towards those that are in “that place”, knowing you survived it, and just take a moment to pity their plight.

Learning compassion is just taking a step back AND PUTTING your self in other people’s shoes.  You don’t have to do it all the time or be constantly sympathetic to other’s bad behavior, aggression, and evilness… But do consider their place in life on their journey and considering they may be struggling with some change or transition.  Silently observe, to feel kindness and compassion in your own heart, even if you can’t relay it or lend a helping hand.

But for those that are open to suggestion, offer up those words of encouragement… that “it will be over soon, and your gonna miss this.  You’ll look back and remember these were the days. ” And somehow be glad you’ re no longer there and in it.  Observing others when you miss those times; kids in the park, nursery at church, attending a wedding; brings back those moments from your life into your current memories and feelings without having to truly experience it again.

 

For all those 40 something new moms:  You see now that maybe you should have just volunteered at the church nursery or spent a few years in a day care center to get over the hump of missing that stage, when your older kids were young.  But we all know, observing you, that there is magic and joy in the happiness of childhood nothing can replace.

We are all just glad someone else is doing it, and we’re not in that place anymore.

Thanks to all of you offering us “observers”, moments to reminisce and be glad for our current plight in life, or by giving us something to look forward to.  I/e.  You old folks sitting on a park bench!  You know who you lovers are!

 

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Apathathetic Sea of Sad

The Apathy in this world is outrageous. The younger generation perpetually chanting “No one cares”.

They seem to not care about school, manners, the future, the state of the world or their country.

When you consider no one cares.  What difference does it make what you do?

Consider then that what you do does matter to YOU, your future, who you are, what you will do, what you will be.

Where you will place your personage?  Deliberately and on purpose.  Be purposeful with what you do!

Especially if no one cares, what difference does it make if you choose to be better, rise above and perfect your actions?

Go ahead and be better.  The big “they” don’t care if you wallow in filth or flounder like a fish out of water.

It’s one thing for you not to care about others, or that others could care less about you.

But don’t you care about you?  Where you put your feet, what you eat, when you go to bed.

Where in your brain do you find peace, happiness and joy?…Do it on purpose and with mindfulness.

If for no other reason than no one else cares.  Shouldn’t you?

An expansion on this chapter on Apathy in A Course to Center.

Find Compassionate Communication available now:

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Excuses

People tend to fall back on complaining. It is one of those negative repetitive habits that are almost unbreakable. It comes so natural and it is so neutral – a subject and arena of existence. Complaining tends to be something we can all agree on. No matter the complaint, we bring it up, only if others will agree with us. This makes the choice to complain pretty base, immature and unimaginative. If you could pinpoint the problem and solve it, or bring up the underlying cause to the problem, or comically reduce the stress, that’s mature, responsible and grown up. But to just complain, can get pretty old. Even to those around you who appear to be agreeing with you.

Take it upon yourself to take the high road, be big and achieve greatness in this situation. Resist the urge to agree with a complainer to start. If you can resist to complain yourself, that is greatness.

One of the first steps in acquiring peace, joy and rest in your life is to not continuously fall into bad habits. Start with this one. It could take years to recognize the triggers for the complaints and the outcomes of those rages. If it is just a bad habit, STOP IT!

If you need motivation or intention inserted into the decision to not complain, visit our worksheets and workshops at http://www.tweakingrelationships.com

 

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