heathermassoth

You can't doing everything everyday!

Achieve Balance with Opposites

Opposites Attract and Achieve balance.  A happy middle-ground.

If you are a watcher and tend to lack “taking action” – you may need to practice DOING, in order to achieve change.

A slight change in your outlook on life, the outlook of the room, the outlook on dinner, could be doing something you don’t normally do.  Act instead of observe.

On the flip side, if you are always taking action and a take charge kinda gal (or guy), warn everyone around you that you are trying something new in the month of (your choice of change).  You are going to sit back and listen at dinner, let your husband order for you (Ohhhhhh!)  and maybe see what the children want to do on a Saturday rather than have a plan.

Practice being uncomfortable with the opposite of your normal for a set amount of time.  Go back to your old ways!  But they won’t fit so well, and you will have a new outlook on life.

Try opposite day for a month and see how it changes your perspective on life and people around you.  You will experience strangers, co-workers and family members in a whole new way.

This technique  (once a year, once in a while…) opens your eyes and sets new highs for old lows.  It’s fun and adventuresome.

Feel free share your learning curve, picture proof or your story, here.  Fresh insight using this technique can be shockingly amazing!

Note:  Change is a chapter in my book Compassionate Communication.

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Apathathetic Sea of Sad

The Apathy in this world is outrageous. The younger generation perpetually chanting “No one cares”.

They seem to not care about school, manners, the future, the state of the world or their country.

When you consider no one cares.  What difference does it make what you do?

Consider then that what you do does matter to YOU, your future, who you are, what you will do, what you will be.

Where you will place your personage?  Deliberately and on purpose.  Be purposeful with what you do!

Especially if no one cares, what difference does it make if you choose to be better, rise above and perfect your actions?

Go ahead and be better.  The big “they” don’t care if you wallow in filth or flounder like a fish out of water.

It’s one thing for you not to care about others, or that others could care less about you.

But don’t you care about you?  Where you put your feet, what you eat, when you go to bed.

Where in your brain do you find peace, happiness and joy?…Do it on purpose and with mindfulness.

If for no other reason than no one else cares.  Shouldn’t you?

An expansion on this chapter on Apathy in A Course to Center.

Find Compassionate Communication available now:

book

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Change

Change can be frightening in any order, at any level.  Changing what you have for breakfast?  Forget about it! Think about how much you are not going to change THAT!   But it could change your whole world.  Avocado on wheat toast this morning?  No one needs to know about it, no one may ever know…but… they will see a change in you.

1. Because you have a confused look on your face all morning like, “Why did I do that”?

2.  You have more energy so you are accomplishing more this morning.

3. You look at that guy eating a doughnut and pity him.  4. You might even be nicer to that guy today because you feel so sorry for him.  (Because he didn’t get an avocado on his toast this morning).

But overall, there is change.  And little change can have big results.  I think that’s why people resist, question and doubt its process.  Skeptical and hesitant are we toward that weird new thing that could change our lives!!!  Even if it’s wearing flats instead of heels.  You could have an entirely different day. Start small with stuff people can’t see.  They may not see the process or the action, but they will see the outcome, the results.  And so will you !

 

 

  • add prayer
  • add a goal
  • add approach to conversation
  • Look for resuts.  
  • Sit and watch. Practice Observer.

All workshops at  www.tweakingrelationships.com

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Embarrassment as a tool

When you think about it, it’s not that far fetched a theory.  Watch and ask yourself, are you doing it to some one else.  It is a very powerful tool.  So much so, it’s used in classrooms, government offices and the workplace.

The saddest place, for me is the classroom. Terrifying and embarrassing children in the classroom, for some, in the hallway in the name of silence or on the playground for cooperation.  Government too uses it for cooperation, and this is pathetic.  In a land, where men can speak and have unalienable rights, we embarrass the needy, the wretched, the visitors, the immigrant.  The mother who needs milk for her children and the  soldier picking up his disability check .  For the government it is abominable.  Commercials, propaganda, housing, soup kitchens, charity and the uber wealthy.  Shame is a powerful, valuable tool un-ashamably used to keep a man down.

Finally, the workplace.  Your boss, co-workers or even the sandwich man uses embarrassment to control the crowd, control the group, control the ladder climber.

When I see a child shamed, a single mother shamed, or a brave civilian in the workplace take on the challenge of confronting a wrong-doer in the corporate world, I cringe.

A strong , usable and over-used resource. . . let’s use compassion to get what we need.  Be softer in our requests, and use our words (kindly) to relay our point.   Using shame as an embarrassing tool is the easy and cowardly way out. It is lazy, immature, and an un-educated response to loosing control of the situation.  Embarrassment ends the argument quickly and solutions are come to terms sooner by silencing the offender.  When about when we are speaking truth? or defending the helpless?  Note that you are chastised in the bank line, because you are pointing out a workers incompetence. . . to control the crowd!

It takes being brave at all to voice our opinion, put ourselves out there, or ask for help.  Why are  we punished with shame rather than rewarded with kindness?

blushing

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Cheaper to keep her?

It is thought, the costly part of divorce is, the divorce costs, splitting monies and sharing income “literally”.  However, the cost HE pays in the exit of the wife out the front door are these services he’d have to hire to replace her.

Chauffer/ valet – cleaning and maintenance of the vehicles(oil changes and car washes.  Pulling out the fast food trash, lunch boxes muddy shoes, yesterday’s change of clothes… A professional getting paid doesn’t have the pain -in -the- rear or the level of “cleaning out the car” as a mom.   Parking, organizing the garage.  Sweeping and mopping and decoarting the garage so it’s a pleasant place to go .  Making the garage and parking arrangement smooth, transitional and functional.  WALK THROUGH AS THEY SAY.

How busy is your week after your husband gets a wild hair to spend “the weekend in the garage”? 

Butler – $50-110k /year.  depending on the weight of their duties and how many subordinates they manage.

Ever wondered?  Look it up!  

Housekeeper – clean house, laundry, change sheets, dust, vacuum, keep schedule for family, cook, meal plan, grocery shopping, popcorn clean-up, etc.

laundry maid – this wonderful civilian could return to her own private life at the end of a busy day, but is happy to turn a load or two daily for you to help you to stay on top of dirty socks.

Personal Chef– the reason he has to afford this individual is because his wife usually caters to his specific needs, wants and requirements.  She does not force him to eat the macaroni and cheese and hot dogs she made the kids for dinner.  But surprisingly enough, he’d be happy to have that too!  Once in a while a man does just want a peaunut butter and jelly sandwich.

So, for all the women out there who accomplish these tasks (daily) and can’t feel the gratitude, feel free to remind him once in a while what yoru “free” services aren’t costing him. 

And trust me!  This is exactly why divorce is not an option!

Aphrodite-aphrodite-27169798-89-120  http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss/181-1425989-4321838?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=heathermassoth

 

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Change

The thing about change, most people expect the worst.  The extreme.  Go straight to the worst case scenario.  Or the extreme – haha!  Let’s not change our hair or our address, before we simply change our route to work.  Perhaps, the long way home as they say!  Perhaps salad instead of steak, or blue instead of pink (nail polish, hair color, baby room paint).   These are scenarios alone are scary, but braved, break through the fear of possibility.

Change doesn’t have to be apparent and obvious….and most of the time it’s not!  It takes years to let the long way home affect your outlook on life.  Volunteering to pick up the kids from school; saves mom the trip to the school.;  has rippling effects that cause her calm, and the kids bonding time with you and you, the break from the routine and 5 o’clock traffic.  Now you are in  4:00 traffic.  A whole new world.  Welcome to after-school life !

Change is quite healthy when it is salad over steak, toast over eggs, and slow over fast.  But change can be drastic in small doses as well.  One less cup of coffee or one less beer.  These are the fear factors that produce real evidence of how scary change can be.  

But try it and see the outcome.  The other results; other than those that directly affect you; that affect those around you like co-workers, sisters and friends.  Blue instead of pink can open up new window of opportunites, invitations and light into your life that others could not see into those dark shadows. 

When they think you “get” blue over pink, you might be invited to a rave, a same sex couples’ baby shower, a friend of your child’s mother might think you are worthy of an art show opening or a late night phone call.

Little changes can produce big results.  So be careful!  And remember you don’t have to change ALOT to change a little.

Clean water is a goal for many Americans. 

The Ripple Effect

www.heather’shouse.net

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